Week 2 : The New Yorker

Contents

The New Yorker

What did you name your New Yorker?

Call on her now, and she will help you today.
Again, the focus of this class is YOUR Perfect.

What does your New Yorker say to you? How do you call on her? How do you know she is YOUR PERFECT?

We will name your New Yorker, and we will choose a theme for your New Yorker for the YEAR.

What is your theme for your New Yorker this year?

There are a couple of topics that come up for women regarding the New Yorker, and these are two of the strongest, so we are going to be discussing them today.

One is finances and the other is organization.

We are going to be discussing some tips and tricks to get these areas of your life under control - under YOUR control.
Again, remember that the topic of this course is YOUR PERFECT, and this is all about making every area of your life work for you.
You need to be honest about what it is that you are wanting in these areas.

Finance

How many of you are suffering from overwhelm? We will be discussing HOW to get the New Yorker to work for you (not the other way around;) We will specifically be talking about Finances this week and how we sometimes trick ourselves into believing we are actually treating ourselves when we are self-sabotaging.

Often times I see women (and I used to be one of them) that are really strong and who like being in control - but in any area of their life, if you look underneath the surface, you'll actually find it's really out of control, and that issue typically has to do with finances. These power women work hard and they want to play hard, so they talk themselves into treating themselves to impulse buys.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Here is an example from my own personal experience:

I would work really hard throughout the week and then I'd play the martyr syndrome, 'Whoa is me, I'm doing everything for everyone else,' and throw a pity party all week. Then for the weekend I would take myself shopping (secretly planned of course), and I would feel this urge to really take care of myself. So I would feel empowered for a moment and drop $800.00 on clothes, telling myself the
entire time that I deserved it. Well the feeling would last for about the length of the shopping spree (sometimes even less).

I would make it to the garage under Nordstrom and then the feeling of my beating heart would change from excitement, to anxiety, to fear - to shame, to guilt, to some really negative and dirty self-talk. By the time I arrived home I would have constructed a plan to either 1.) Hide the clothes in the trunk until I could safely and quickly rush them into the closet without my husband noticing, or 2.) Leave them in the trunk and return for them the next day. 10 times out of 10, which do you think I actually chose, even though I knew it didn't feel good? That's right, number 2. I became a master at hiding clothes in the closet with the tags on and then coming up with
some story about getting it so long ago when my husband asked, 'Honey, where did that comes from?'

Now I am sure none of you were ever as bad as I was... but just in case, I wanted to share that with you so you know I understand. And I have spoken to hundreds and hundreds of women who have found themselves in the same cycle. Not a very empowering place to be, is it? It was certainly not who I wanted to BE with my finances. The choice I had made to treat myself was actually a choice of self-sabotage that made me feel like a prisoner in my own life. This is an example of a New Yorker that is out of balance. If you are akin to impulsive buying, the 'I deserve mentality' followed by severe guilt and shame, then your New Yorker needs some fine tuning.

When you establish a sense of routine and are not truly taking care of yourself on a daily basis, the New Yorker will go on a frenzy. She will feel frustrated, unheard and become resentful, and will lash out in a number of ways, including:

• Impulsive Buying.
• Rage.
• Hiding Items.
• Over-Working.
• Martyr Syndrome.

So, let's answer this right away.
Who do you want to BE with your finances? Be specific, think about how your current actions with your money, and ask yourself if they're in-line with who you want to be.

Now, I want to make something very clear; this class is not about telling you what you can and cannot do with your money. This is about you becoming clear on what makes you feel good about yourself in relation to your money, and acting in a way that is congruent with what you are really wanting to BE.

So, now if I want to spend $800.00 shopping, it's an enjoyable event, one that I own and feel good about, and this completely CHANGES the outcome.

Self Loving Discipline - Learning how to love yourself

People, especially women, get scared when I say the word discipline. Many of us have grown up with a preconception of this word meaning punishment. Actually, the Latin root of the word discipline comes form the word disciple, which means to learn. So this is about discovering and learning which behaviors you have with your finances that are actually in-line with you loving yourself.

What current actions could you incorporate into your daily life that would help you to learn about how you can love yourself in relation to your finances?

Spousal Talk

Talking to your spouse about money.

We love to pretend that this is a talk to our spouses about money, but the truth of the matter is that this topic is really about talking to ourselves. When we are clear on our personal power and our financial situation, and know what our true priorities are (and we are honoring them), then this becomes a much easier conversation. Many women I see (and I used to be one of them) hide purchases from their spouse or lover. They feel ashamed, guilty and have a feeling of not wanting to be controlled. The truth in this matter though is that most women are actually attempting to hide the purchase from themselves, for a myriad of reasons. Circle below the top emotions you feel when you spend money and then hide your purchases.

Now, take a look at what you circled above and think about what emotions you are carrying around BEFORE you even step into the conversation with your spouse.

Let's see how this could be different, and let's take a look at just the emotional aspect and assume that everything else remains the same. So, if you spent X amount on a shopping spree, and you went into it with a sense of New Yorker purpose and power and you felt good (and I mean you really felt good about it, not the talking yourself into it kind of good) would the situation with your spouse be different?

Think about a time you spent money (perhaps even a large amount) and you knew in your HEART it was the right thing to do. What emotions surfaced for you when you spent money from this place?

Now I want you to note the different emotions and I am going to make a generalization here, and this is that a core emotion here was LOVE... love of self. Now going into a conversation with a true feeling of love and clarity is going to produce a different emotion, is it not? Can you see why it is so important for you to be clear on what you really want in every area of your life, to truly allow yourself to step into your purpose and your power?

Now I want you to note the different emotions and I am going to make a generalization here, and this is that a core emotion here was LOVE... love of self. Now going into a conversation with a true feeling of love and clarity is going to produce a different emotion, is it not? Can you see why it is so important for you to be clear on what you really want in every area of your life, to truly allow yourself to step into your purpose and your power?

In the future I want to feel the following emotions when I spend AND accept money...

Courage, Power and The Purposeful New Yorker.
It takes courage to fully step into your New Yorker and NOT to hide behind her. If you are going to get the most out of your New Yorker you have to be honest with her and yourself. The NY is so powerful it's easy to trick yourself into being busy and strong, but you need to have the courage and the power to really step into her. She gets tired doesn't she? She can run on fumes and although she appears not to want the help - she really, truly wants to be able to lean on the Frenchie and the Indie.

How can you better take care of your New Yorker?

Financial Agenda - You will create one that works for you

www.Mint.com, online system easier then Quickbooks
www.Roboform.com, online password system

How can you help your New Yorker with finances?

Develop a spending plan.
What % of money do you want to set aside to treat yourself? This is to avoid any feelings of deprivation. It's important to note here that even a small percentage can be amazing. So, if you bring in $2000.00 are you going to set aside 10%, or just $20.00 towards your treat fund? What feels right to you?

Make a Date

Do you have a date night with yourself when you go over your finances for the month?
In order to keep your New Yorker balanced, it's important that you keep a date with yourself and look at the real financial picture once a month. This date night will establish routine - it will give you confidence, and you can make it FEMININE and fun. Set the mood for your date night - light candles, play some music, and get out your beautiful folders. This set date night will allow you to go through your week without constant thoughts of guilt.

What night are you going to designate as your date night? How will it look? How do you want to set it up?

Organization

Accomplish for Your New Yorker every month?
Just ONE thing.

Organize the feminine way.

I am a true believer in appearances and my Frenchie is never far away. I have used these gorgeous files for my finances for years and they bring a feeling of joy and a femininity to what used to seem like a masculine task.

What are your Financial Priorities? Think about this for a minute. I want you to answer from what your priorities are, not what society says you should want. This is so crucial, and I see so many women loosing sight of themselves right here. If you're not spending your money on the things that are priorities for you first, then no matter how much you have or don't have, you will never feel financially fulfilled.

Monthly Expenses

What are your true monthly expenses? Don't guess. I have included a worksheet for you to complete.

When we talk about the New Yorker, it's important to consider finances and how much of a role they are playing in our everyday lives. It's so easy for the New Yorker to become 'overwhelmed' with mundane things, thereby letting this crucial part of her life go, because she lets herself believe that she just doesn't have the time.

If you are truly going to step into your power with your New Yorker, you need to understand how to manage money effectively. After all, if you can't manage it, what are the chances of you actually receiving all the money you want.

Now, finances are just a part of the New Yorker, but they are a crucial part. You cannot truly be a powerful woman if you're not managing this aspect of your life effectively. As we go through this course I want you to think about what makes you feel powerful in your New Yorker - it's unique for everyone, and you will each relate to yourselves from different point of view. This is the point of this course, finding YOUR PERFECT.