Think of a recent time in your life when things didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to?  Did a client recently say no to a program?  Did you not receive the revenue you desired in January?  Did you have an argument with your spouse or children (see birthday story above…)

Think about the way you reacted, more then the way you reacted physically, the way you reacted EMOTIONALLY.

How did you treat yourself in the moment?  After the moment? Were you critical, judgmental, and relentless?  This is the way many of us are taught to react. The women I work with are here on purpose and they have big gifts to share with the world.  One of the common fears is “how do I keep moving forward, when I feel like I am taking a step backwards?”

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE GOING FORWARD IF YOU ASK…“HOW AM I GROWING IN THIS MOMENT?” ALWAYS.

I had a fabulous birthday celebration it was … BEAUTIFUL.

But I have to be real, it wasn’t pretty.
As I sat in the bath tub on Saturday night I began to cry and I thought to myself can I really share this? Can I really tell women that I still experience this? And I received with TRUE sincerity a resounding YES!

As we grow on this journey, and as we become successful we have a certain belief that we will some day have it all figured out, that we will no longer feel pain, and that everything will be perfect.

We search for a sign that it is ok if we too still come face to face with challenges on the journey. Think about how eager our society is to see Stars with cellulite or read stories of their recent relationship dramas.

Well I want to let you know, it happens to me too!
I planned a gorgeous birthday weekend, and then we decided to stay close to home because my boys had a soccer game – AN ALL DAY soccer tournament. So we chose to go to a Chateau near our home, ok we are being honest right? I chose it, because I like to feel special on my birthday and I did not want to end up home on Sunday feeling resentful, so I booked the chateau myself (I teach this is the 9 layers of The Indie, the resentment part, not how to book a chateau;0

                        Here is the chateau we visited on my birthday…

Well that night after the game my 8 year old did not want to go…at all. He was very upset with me and wanted nothing to do with celebrating. We arrived at the chateau and I wanted to go to dinner. I chose a restaurant near by since I knew the boys were tired. It was a pizzeria, but hey they have good Cote du Rhone, so I thought let’s allow this to work.

Well, my 8 year old did not want to get in the car, and he is a strong boy. After much embarrassing cajoling on my part, I picked him up (he was NOT HAPPY) and put him in the car. At the restaurant he did not want to get out of the car. I took some breaths, 3 in fact, and made a decision to go into the restaurant with my other son and Dave and enjoy some pizza and a glass of wine.

My other son sat in the car for an hour by himself.
Yes we went and checked on him frequently and made sure he was ok. But really not my proudest parenting moment or the way I intended to spend my birthday… OR WAS IT?

As I sat in the bath that night I cried, I cried for my beautiful day that was not so pretty. I cried for the way my son must be feeling pain, and then I cried tears of joy for the opportunity to receive my intention and to really MOVE FORWARD in my life.

Why am I sharing all of this? Isn’t this the part we should hide?
I want every woman out there to know, it is OK. You can be successful and still have stuff come up. In fact it is THE ONLY WAY TO BE SUCCESSFUL.  In fact you need to know that allowing yourself to be successful because of these moments is what separates us, women who are successful in their lives vs. women who chose to stay stuck.

Here is the key to being an Elegant Femme. You must ask yourself along the way

“What is my learning opportunity in this? How is this allowing me to become more of the woman I am here to become?”
When I asked that in the bath tub with mascara running down my face I heard “Be truthful Tara, share it…let women know this IS part of the journey. This IS how you move forward in stead of backwards.”

Love,

Tara

As birthdays near we all react differently…my default pattern in the past has never been about the number, or growing old, but so much more about feeling special, unique, celebrated, honored…and making sure I am in line with my truth. One of the things I hear all the time from women is “I feel like a fraud!. How can I feel more in line with my truth?”

When we find ourselves questioning our authenticity many of us start to beat ourselves up and we begin to go inward. We start comparing our results to others, we start to go into competition mode and we end up taking ourselves down a slippery slope that does NOT lead to our truth. We end up paralyzed and feeling even more like a fraud.

The number 1 thing women do not understand is…

When you begin to feel like a fraud it is because you are playing TOO small!

It is true and I know it goes against what many of us have been taught. Here are my personal steps (Yes, this feeling comes up for all of us) on what to do when this feeling begins to surface, so you can utilize the power behind it to motivate you TOWARDS your truth.

1) Recognize if you are feeling this way it is because you are playing to small

2) There is a piece of you out of sync, you MUST check in with your FemmeTypes

3) Ask the following questions:

a. What am I not allowing myself to BE? (this is your Indie)
b. What am I not allowing myself to ENJOY? (your Frenchie)
c. What am I not allowing myself to DO? (your New Yorker)

4) Understand that there are pieces of you that are pointing you towards your truth, in order to connect with them you need your FemmeTypes.

5) Then sit down and journal. Ask yourself what is it that you have been desiring to do that is bigger then what you are doing. You will feel your truth emerge and begin to realize playing too small is the ROOT cause of you feeling like a fraud

6) The next step is to find someone, a mentor for example, that you can share your truth with who will hold you accountable for the unique way that you want to LIVE YOUR TRUTH.

I used to tolerate a lot in my life. I would tolerate it by making excuses of why something I didn’t like was that way or why I couldn’t change it. Even more likely, I would assume it was someone’s fault or responsibility to change it.  Over the years I have learned what it really means to tolerate.

It is an excuse not to take responsibility for what I really desire. It’s another way of playing the victim.

We really have been taught that tolerating is a good thing: We are taught that tolerating means we can “put up” with it, that tolerating it makes us stronger or more worthy.

The truth is tolerating just makes you exhausted and resentful.  I want to share with you how you can stop tolerating in your life as well, and it is way easier then you think.

1.)  Make a list of all the things you are currently tolerating in your life (Yes, all
the way down to the bathroom drawer with the toothpaste smears in it.)
Honestly, it is amazing what we put up with!

2.)  Ask yourself why you have been tolerating it, and be honest.
Did you want someone else to do it?  Did you tell yourself you didn’t
have time?

3.)  Stop tolerating it!  Really it is that simple, either take care of it
or change the way you feel about it.  When we stop tolerating things in our lives
it doesn’t mean they have to change. We can change the way we feel about them
and release the need to tolerate ANYTHING in our lives.  Believe me this saved
my relationship with my father- in- law, because I wasn’t about to get rid of Dave;0

Life is too short to tolerate anything.  It drains our energy and leaves us feeling
inauthentic and unfulfilled.  Do yourself a favor this year and follow
the above steps.  Watch what happens to your energy.

As a woman, it’s important that we learn to say “Yes”.

We all have fears and that’s totally natural. Sometimes you need time to figure out what you want to say “Yes” to!

But don’t hesitate too long. Saying “Yes” is powerful: It is where  the divine feminine meets the universe, and gives us the ability to manifest all that we truly want and desire.

I spent much of my early life holding back. Even though I was raised to believe I could do anything, I often felt I didn’t know how to seize  the opportunities around me. I wanted to say “YES”, even though so much
of the time I heard myself saying “NO”…. or what’s worse “I don’t know.”  I didn’t know what I wanted, and I was scared to take the risk of saying “YES”.

After all, what’s the worse thing that can happen when we say “Yes”?  Yes is a powerful, life-affirming statement. Try it: “Yes I want that”.  “Yes I can do that!”  ”Yes, I want more pleasure, more money,
more fulfillment.”

As women, there are many ways to say “Yes”.

1) Explore: Exploring is one way of saying “YES”! If you don’t know exactly
what you want, explore what’s around you! Find out what feels good, what looks
good, what brings you a sense of joy and excitement. Try out new clothes,
new flavors, a new haircut….

2) Create: Create something every day. This can be something simple
like creating an outfit that you want to wear out on the town, or creating

a playlist for yourself or a friend. Creating is a way of saying YES, and inviting possibilities into your life.

3) Write down what you really want: Journaling is a fabulous way to begin
manifesting your deepest desires. Be specific when you can. What do you want
to have? How do you want feel?

4) Be beautiful: I always find that when I look good, I actually start to feel better.
I’m saying Yes– I’m beautiful, sensual and I’m ready for life.  Wear your favorite
earrings, treat yourself to a a long bubble bath,  splurge on a new nail polish or
something that makes you feel sexy and ignite your Frenchie! (This doesn’t
have to be expensive: Something fun and playful will do just fine!)

5) Don’t set limits: So many of the women I know immediately talk themselves
of their dreams and desires. Don’t set so many limits! Imagine what you want to
be when you grow up (yes, even if you’re already grown up!) and imagine them fully.

6) Follow your instincts: This comes down to trust. Trust yourself to imagine
what you want. Eventually you will start actually manifest
what you want.

7) Ask for help: Saying yes sometimes means asking for help. Your Indie
requires asking for help sometimes! Find mentors. Seek out the company
of other Elegant Femmes. Read books that help you discover more about yourself.

8 ) Challenge yourself: Your New Yorker wants a challenge! Find opportunities
to engage in healthy challenges. Maybe that’s taking a hot-flow yoga class for
the first time, maybe it’s setting a goal to save more money, looking for a new job,
or doing something that excites (and maybe scares you just a little bit!)

9) Finally, make a choice: If you don’t want to say “Yes” to something,
then by all means say “No.” Saying No is actually a way we can allow room
in our lives for other ideas and feelings to manifest.

1.) My boys
2.) My gorgeous breasts
3.) My amazing hair
4.) My strong lean legs
5.) My flat tummy
6.) The precious mother Earth
7.) The love I feel from my mom
8.) My Dads green eyes
9.) Doms passion’
10.) Daves incredible lips
11.) My limitless creativity
12.) Our gorgeous home
13.) The French Alpes
14.) Nico’s contagious laugh
15.) My Dads poems
16.) Mom’s pea soup
17.) Mike’s assertiveness
18.) Chris’ tender heart
19.) L’s vulnerability
20.) USM
21.) What Bob has taught me about myself
22.) My dreams
23.) That I did it, I live in FRANCE
24.) The money we have created
25.) My love of French
26.) Fresh organic food
27.) A hot cup of dash tea
28.) My flower from Christina
29.) Christina and Fred’s trust
30.) Lonneke’s style
31.) Gerard’s humor
32.) Crisp white sheets
33.) A gorgeous view of the snow capped mountains
34.) The smell of lavender
35.) A passing cloud
36.) My fragrant yellow roses
37.) My olive tree
38.) My fig tree
39.) The chirping of birds
40.) The colors of fall
41.) The sunlight as it streams through the trees
42.) My team
43.) Making love to Dave
44.) The soft gentle breeze
45.) Laying in the grass, feeling the earth
46.) Our Porsche
47.) My healthy digestion
48.) The freedom to give
49.) Cozy cashmere
50.) Deep red beets
51.) Warm goat cheese salads
52.) The internet
53.) The color yellow
54.) Nicos soft skin
55.) Dave’s deep brown eyes
56.) When Dave kisses me on the forehead
57.) Dom’s passion for soccer
58.) My incredible clients
59.) My courage to do what I love and live the life of my dreams
60.) Hot toast with sea salted butter
61.) A perfect poached egg
62.) Butternut squash soup
63.) Fresh pumpkin soup with roasted almonds
64.) Breathing deeply
65.) Ellie and her vision of world change
66.) Fabienne and her ability to love and gift so authentically
67.) Derek and the way he supports and loves
68.) Dom’s willpower and strength to stand up for what he believes in
69.) Nico’s humor and dance moves
70.) Dave’s sauce and eggplant parm
71.) Mom’s singing on the guitar
72.) The memories of mom rubbing my back and singing “Rock a by, don’t you cry”
73.) Dave’s trust and undying support
74.) My femmetypes
75.) My ability to coach and lead
76.) My gift of expansion
77.) My beauty
78.) My hazel eyes
79.) My vision to change the world
80.) Rose and her belief in me
81.) My god daughter
82.) Rose’s humble and giving nature, her unending support
83.) Flying first class
84.) The color orange
85.) My love of design
86.) My natural ability for style
87.) My memories of Grandma Rose
88.) Grandma Joan and what she has taught us
89.) Daniella’s beautiful open nature
90.) Soft frilly lingerie and silk
91.) Incredible Italian Leather boots
92.) Fresh peach Ice Cream
93.) Aunt Patti’s dedication to service
94.) What Aunt Pat has taught me about being feminine
95.) Mason
96.) The gift of compassion
97.) Heartache
98.) My triathlon experience
99.) A warm fire on a cold French winter night
100.) My ability to grow
101.) This lifetime

This past week, I realized one of my biggest fears. I can see now how this has been stopping me from taking the next step in my business as a woman.  You see, so many of us have this fear and yet it can be hard to identify because we get very good at hiding it under the “Nurturing” umbrella when in fact it really falls under the “Over Compensating” umbrella.

I am talking about the fear of not being needed.  I realized this fear has kept me from sharing my truth and has actually given me a place to be NEEDED instead.

When I asked my FemmeTypes where this was coming from my Frenchie very loudly spoke up.  It has been her fear for some time: The fear of not being needed by someone.  This fear is so strong that in my past, I have created emotional bonds that weren’t healthy. In fact, they were co-dependent. I had the NEED to have others NEED me.

I want to share with you how you can release this in your own life, because if you are holding on to being NEEDED you are stopping yourself from expanding into who you are really meant to be and your soul NEEDS that!

1. Identify if you have created this in your relationships. The best way you know for sure is if you find yourself saving people, being the mediator in relationships, and trying to pick up all the pieces to make sure everyone is “OK”.

2. Ask the tough question “Why am I afraid of not being needed?”  What does it mean to you if you are not needed?  For me it felt like I would be obsolete, discarded, unimportant.  It is crucial for you to be real with your answer, though this may sting.

3. Allow yourself to honor your truth. Creating emotional blackmail so we can be needed is not a powerful place for us to come from as women.  Instead talk to your Frenchie and secure your relationship with you.  As scary as it feels sometimes, that is the relationship you NEED.

If you are afraid of not being needed you are impacting your ability to live a sensual life. Sensuality brings freedom and liberation, free yourself from the fear of being needed and watch how your Frenchie will soar.

As a woman, I’m sure you’ve experienced the feeling of guilt before. This is a feeling so many of us share — about our bodies,  our desires, and our sense of self– and yet we have no idea how to remove the guilt and let our FemmeTypes really shine.

If you’ve ever felt guilty about wanting more — about wanting what you truly deserve — read on. I want to share with you a simple process I’ve created that will remove the guilt and allow more space in your life for what you really want.

One of the questions I used to hear myself ask was  “Tara, isn’t this good enough? Don’t you already have ENOUGH? I mean, do you really require more?”

It got me thinking. Yes, I do require more. Yes, I deserve even more.  So, my next question was: “How do I make more space for the next pieces of my life to manifest? How do I let in what I really, truly want? How do I release the guilt so I can get more of what I desire?

I’ve created a practice I call “The Sensual Clearing Technique” that will open all your FemmeTypes, release guilt, and allow more pleasure into your life.

Maybe your Frenchie feels she needs more room to improve her relationship.  Or that her body requires more space to release and feel truly sensual.  Maybe your Indie feels guilty for not being balanced or your New Yorker feels overwhelmed and unfulfilled with not enough time and energy to get it all done.

If you have ever felt you didn’t have enough space, enough time, or if you simply feel guilty for wanting more in your life, then The Sensual Clearing Technique is for you.

The Sensual Clearing Technique for all your Femme Types

T3 + F3=GUILT FREE

The three T’s have become a critical part of my own personal formula and I want to share them with you.  Gift yourself the opportunity to complete this exercise for whatever it is you are wanting in your life and you will then have space to receive it without GUILT.

The three T’s are Trust, Truth, and Treasure.

1.  Trust yourself enough to know that what you desire comes from a place of good intention.

2. Tell yourself the Truth about why you really want this and why you have been stopping yourself from having it.  This step is huge and may also require you telling someone else your truth.  For example if you are wanting more money in your life but have yet to pay your tax bill you are lying to yourself and that guilt will block you from receiving more prosperity.  If you want a more intimate relationship with your husband but you are hiding a piece of truth from him, then your guilt will stop you from fully receiving the love that awaits.  Tell the truth.

3. Treasure: Your treasure awaits if you allow yourself to really ask for it.  What is the treasure you are seeking?  Say it out loud. Say the full extent of it, not the watered down version. For example if you are wanting to bring in 100,000K a year and you find yourself saying “Well, OK, I will take 50K,” then you are lying to yourself and the guilt will seep in. Not only will you not make the 100k you will also not make the 50k because it is not the real treasure that excites you.

4.  Ignite Your FemmeTypes. Once you have established your T3, the next step is igniting your FemmeTypes.  Do the T3 process for your Frenchie, your Indie and your New Yorker.  Once you have completed T3+F3 you will be able to answer the allowing questions for whatever you are wanting in your life.

5.  Ask these questions and write down your answers.

Why do I want more?

What is the intention of wanting it?

Which one of my FemmeTypes will be supported?

Then you will be able to receive what you desire without the GUILT.

I look forward to hearing about your success when you release the guilt and receive what you are really wanting in a sensual way.

Enjoy the SCT (Sensual Clearing Technique) and allow yourself to receive ALL that you really desire in this life without the guilt!

Love,

Tara