How to say no to lending money (without the guilt)

Ever wonder how to say no to lending money to friends, family, or employees? We all have
situations where people ask us for money. And sometimes it is not something you want to
do. If you ever felt guilty about saying no when people ask you for money then this video is for you.

As women we need to understand what is really going on underneath the surface
and in this video I share with you my truth.

What I recently did when someone close to us asked us for money and how
you can relate to this very “touchy” subject in an empowered way

FemmeType Insight: This video is for YOUR New Yorker
It will gift you assistance in making more money

Your Indie will experience the freedom in speaking your truth.

Your Frenchie will be more engaged in her relationships
and feel closer to people around her, intimacy will increase.

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15 Responses to How to say no to lending money (without the guilt)

  1. When I was in my Twenties, my dad used to knock most Fridays looking for Money to borrow, I did for a long time, then one day I said NO! Dad no more and it stopped and told another time NO you cannot smoke in my house, he re-acted and chucked the Ashtray at me and left my home. I felt good, then his girlfriend asked me to pick up my dads clothes because they spilt up, I said NO! do it yourself his your partner and your problem and Do not text or rign me again. Thank you it felt good inside and I glad I stopped it because it might have gone on for years and years.
    love Gerrie xxx

  2. edry says:

    Hi Tara
    Recently i have a diferent experience with money.
    I gift money to a relative that dont ask for. She really didnt ask for. But something inside me says that write a check and give it to her. I feel inspire, a freedom feeling was inside me when i did that. Im not rich, (money rich) But it feels refreshing to do so. Now i understand that feeling. Thanks Tara

  3. Marie-Aude says:

    Hi Tara, thank you for sharing this experience from a space of truth, elegance, and grace. This has happened to me before and I had said no. I wish I had seen your video before hand though, it would have helped me to find the true space from which I was saying no. It reminds me that what really matters is the intention behind our actions and our words.When we find that intention and integrate it, we may act and speak freely, shamelessly, and gracefully.
    I love your necklace by the way!! You look great as always :)
    Marie-Aude xxo

  4. Callista says:

    I have a problem keeping money. I always want to give it away to those less fortunate than me. Every time it starts accumulating, I somehow find a way to give it away or spend it - mostly giving it away. Ack! If I don't give it away, or if I want to save it, I feel selfish. Then when there's a problem and I need money, there's nothing left over for me to fall back on and then I start feeling angry with myself and resentful. That pretty much sums up my relationship with money and my wealth consciousness. :(

  5. Marleen says:

    Je suis tout à fait d'accord...sometimes we think that we help, but thats an illusion for us and for the others !
    Merci Tara :)

  6. pat says:

    I am currently in a situation where a family member my sister is asking me to give up my rights to half of a property sale that I own with my DAD. My sister thinks that MY DAD should have it all or give her (MY SISTER) an equal portion. I know she will disown me and make my life difficult if I don't so what she says and will be without her family - who are greedy themselves for their decisions to be upheld or for me to hit the road forever!


  7. Diana says:

    I recently said no to loaning money to a girlfriend and her husband. When she asked to borrow money I wanted to know their plan for paying it back. She said that when her husband got a job that they would start paying me back. He was out of work. She was not working at the time either but going to school. I let her know that either her husband needed to call me and request the funds since he was going to be the payback plan and I would want to speak with him direct or since she was asking for the loan she was going to need to be the one to get at least a part time job to pay me back. They were not willing to do either one so since they were not willing to meet my loan parameters they did not qualify.

    Simple solution.

  8. I Love this video Tara! OMG I just wrote down I am a gracious billionaire yesterday when I was writing out a questionnaire and writing out what I wanted to experience. I'd heard you say that in Sensually Rich and it really resonated with me. I know one of the reasons I didn't want to make money is because of this feeling of thank you soo much for sharing such an elegant way of navigating it with the beautiful truth of your new yorker xx Love you!

  9. Jode' Stella says:

    Thank you, I've always had a problem with saying "no" and especially to my sister who could never "hear the word no, from anyone." She somehow has a way of cohursing people into doing what she wants; and, makes people feel guilty if they say "no." I can still feel the dread of giving in and saying, "ok" to whatever she was after. I like your videos, short and to the point. An ah-ha moment for me. "Feeling it from the core and feeling "good" about saying "no" in advance is an inspiration for me. I love your attitude.

  10. christine says:

    Firstly, let me say that I prayed about leaving work before I made the decision to do so.
    When I left work (took redundancy), I had, to me, a lot of money put into my bank. A family member asked for a loan $$$x and I said no. I was told the money would be paid back. I said no and I meant it. Unlike you, I am unemployed , haven't worked in 5 yrs and looking for work.

    I used a lot of the money to purchase a home with no mortgage, so now I only have to pay for the land and water rates and normal utilities etc.

    Since then, another family member asked for money, I thought about it and told them I would loan them $$x and they would need to pay me back. I haven't heard from then since.

    Unlike you Tara, I don't have a lot of money, mind you I do have a few $K in the bank - not a huge amount and very mindful of that. I have a lot more than a lot of people and was brought up in a family who didn't have a lot. So, I'm careful in my spending (should be more so) and have to say to myself when I see something I like, is it a need or a want (more than likely a want and I can do without it) so I don't purchase.

    Since I left work I now get less than half of what I used to earn, therefore looking for work to get that added income to do some improvements on my home (painting, update furniture etc) and purchase some clothes etc and just to live. I work voluntary and have put some advertisements out there on free sites so I have put the plan into action and studying as well.

    One of my favourite words is no and I had to learn to say no the hard way and it wasn't easy to say no to family but it had to be said. The money in the bank was for me and my future and if I had given some away, well money doesn't last forever. I've had to live on it whilst receiving benefits and that's NOT easy, therefore looking for work.

  11. Bonnie Iverson says:

    Hi Tara, wow.... you have no idea how this has been my life story. I recently had a boyfriend ask me for money. A substantial amount of money. This would not have been a loan, but a gift. I was shocked because I thought he truly loved me and would never ask for money from me. You see the last two relationships I had I did not say NO, and as a result lost a lot of money and they were gone after they received it. So after a lot of thought, I said that I could not assist him with his crisis and just as soon as I said those words I realized that he would end our relationship. And so he did.... What I did learn from this is that I will never be with someone again who would put me in that position again. I also learnt that he would've ended it at some point when I eventually stopped giving away my money. This has been an old pattern of giving my money away, well not any more. Since I have met you, things are shifting in my life and I value me.......

  12. Donna Willis says:

    Hi Tara :) I lately have been thinking a lot about limiting beliefs and their effects. I got the ah-ha! when you said 'maybe it would be better if I just didn't make the money in the first place'... I hate to say no and have not been coming from my truth or power for quite some time now and I don't want to admit it's because I'm so afraid someone won't like me! Thank you for so clearly illustrating the brick wall I have placed around my bank account. My new mantra: I will soon be a gracious billionaire! I want to help others help themselves and I can see now that a firm, but loving NO provides an opportunity for this to occur. Thank you!

  13. M says:

    Like what you said....but I think it would have been much more helpful if you explained HOW you said no to the woman. How did the actual conversation go? For example, did you say, "I would love to, but I don't feel in my gut that it's the right thing to do?" Or did you say, "I'm afraid you're not going to like me if I say no, but I want to empower you to rise to your highest potential?" What exactly did you say? For most women, the fear of saying no is greatly reduced or eliminated if they had examples of what to say....i.e., how to say it in a loving, kind-but-empowered way.

  14. Judith says:

    WOW! Am I EVER glad I found this video!! I have recently been dealt a very hard situation from a friend of 40 years whose mother [with whom I was very very close] passed away unexpectedly last year. She was not only a second mother to me but a friend as well. There was only 14 years difference in our ages so it was a different sort of relationship but binding nevertheless.

    This 'friend' has recently posted on Facebook wanting money to pay for their father's dog's cataract surgery. My gut tells me it is inherently WRONG what they are doing and, essentially, 'bullying' their FB 'friends' into donating to their cause. On a daily [and almost hourly!] basis there are continual postings saying "I am learning who my true friends are!!!" and "Damn, can anyone even like???" and the final insult, in my opinion --- "I am so hurt and disappointed. I have posted several times about a site set up to help my father keep a promise he made to my mother right before she died, to save their dog, Nikki's sight. I know times are tight for all and people just don't have the money these days. But, I did think that my close friends would donate 5 or 10 dollars, especially knowing my dad and his situation. I was wrong and I apologize for even throwing it out there."

    Those tactics are nothing short of bullying or intimidation or coercion to raise the money when the facts are as follows:
    1. There is more than one dog. Both same age. Dogs certainly can and do adjust to being sightless. Owners who love their pets just help them learn and learn with them!
    2. The main 'perpetrator' and her daughter have well enough money to pay for the surgery themselves. There are about 10 total family members who can pool their money and pay for it themselves.
    3. Being a dog [pet] owner comes with responsibilities just as being a parent does. Things happen with pets as do with children. It just comes with the territory. Prepare for it.... it WILL happen!
    4. Coercing your friends only shows the lack of class you possess.
    5. Facebook [or any other social site for that matter] is NOT the forum for this request! It's pitting 'friend' against 'friend' even with those who don't know each other.

    It's not my choice of forums to comment on the requests for money so I ignore them all. Yes... I have been riddled with guilt for not donating or responding but I feel good INSIDE about exercising my personal option. This 'friend' has ALWAYS had a issue with money in our relationship. I found out just last fall she was the one who stole an antique ring from me 35 years ago because she says I owe her money. The ring is now valued at $2,400.

    So.... Thank you .... thank you.... thank you for helping me make the final decision and feel GOOD about it! I know in my heart I am doing the right thing and if that breaks the friendship completely.... well then.... it wasn't a true friendship after all these years anyway. I've lost nothing. In fact.... this last paragraph is just how I will put it to her.... then walk away. Or, since she is eluding a face-to-face meeting, I can send a card. Either way.... I feel GOOD about myself and that's all that matters.

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